Well, I took a bit of a break from blogging, but I did not take a complete break from exercising and eating right! A couple of months ago I changed jobs and now work at a small clinic as a receptionist. I see a lot of sick people coming to see the doctors and it is rather sobering to see the range of illnesses that are out there. Some of the patients are quite young, even younger than me, and when I look at their lab results and their weight charts, I realize that disease is no respecter of persons. So, after much subconscious pressure, I have decided to renew my commitment to a healthier me.
Does it last, though? If you're like me, and probably 98% of all women (and a good number of men) on this planet, you get all excited about eating right and exercising more and you go out and buy a fridge full of vegetables and fruits and count calories and check ingredients and don't buy anything processed or with too much salt. You enthusiastically rise before the early bird has even dreamt of finding a worm and you begin your day with vigorous exercise and a tall glass of water. You are careful not to indulge in sugary delights, and may even skip them entirely for a whole week at a time. But in the back of your mind is this nagging little voice.
"You're going to fail. You're not going to make it. Look at how many times you've tried before and you've slipped. All it takes is one shopping trip where you buy that 48-piece tub of brownie bites at Costco, you'll eat 10 of them in one sitting, and then your diet will be over. You can't last. After the first week, you'll just go back to your old ways. Just face reality and those extra pounds on the scales and learn to live with yourself as you are. You may never learn to love yourself, but at least learn to tolerate yourself. Besides, no matter how hard you try, you will never succeed. It's a proven fact."
I'm not going to lie, that voice has been my constant companion over the past 15 years or so. This evening I heard its familiar voice again and I thought, why? Why am I trying to sabotage myself when it is very possible to succeed? Why is it so difficult to switch off those self-defeating thoughts and recognize that change can be my reality? I'm still working on the answers to those questions!
To everyone who has ever struggled to live a healthier life, I would like to affirm and encourage you. Maybe you need to take small steps, but the important thing is that you are moving. Don't stop moving.
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