Popcorn on the TV

Yesterday I started my 30-day No Sweets Fast. I think it was probably one of the most difficult days of my life! For some reason all day long I was hungry. I wanted to eat something, and I wanted it to be something sweet. Like brownies. With vegan icecream on top. And chocolate syrup. And chocolate chips sprinkled over that. Okay, next topic.

So I spent most of the day working on paperwork with the TV playing in the background and for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to put my macadamia-sweetened-popcorn tub on top of the TV. All day long I stared at that popcorn but I couldn't eat it. Strangely enough, today I took a look at the popcorn and had no interest in it at all. Maybe I need to stare at a brownie all day?

Yesterday really made me realize how emotionally attached I am to food. As I constantly obsessed over eating something sweet, regardless of what it was, I kept on asking myself if I was really hungry. Each time the firm answer was No. I was not physically hungry; I was emotionally hungry.

There are a lot of false beliefs I carry around with me, that I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who battles with. Thoughts such as, "I deserve a sweet treat because it's been such a long day." Well, giving in to that excuse makes every day a difficult and a long day. It becomes really easy to find a reason as to why the day was so hard that only a brownie, or three, can make you feel better.

How about, "I bought the icecream on sale and I really shouldn't waste it." This is a difficult one for us frugal shoppers. We're so excited to find a good deal, we don't think about the consequences for our hips and our hearts. Some good deals can be left on the shelf for someone else to enjoy. Or, just buy one tub of icecream instead of 14 tubs. (It's true. I bought 14 tubs of Purely Decadent soy icecream the other day. It was only $1.99 at Grocery Outlet and I just couldn't pass it up.)

Here's a good one. "I'll just have one." One brownie, 10 chocolate chips, 1 handful of sugary popcorn, 1 slice of cake, 1 piece of chocolate. Hmmmm, I'm starting to see a theme here (chocolate, anyone?)! I've tried both kinds of self-control. One: no sweets during the week but a free pass on the weekend. Two: a sweet treat every day that's been scheduled into my daily calorie allotment. Most of the time, the daily treat works best for me, except for those binge days. Then the "just one" lasts for exactly one second. Before I know it, I'll be hands deep in the brownie box, inhaling white chocolate chips, and reaching for potato chips in between to mix it up a little. Hence the 30-day Sweet Fast. If I'm not eating it, I don't have to worry about rationing it.

One of my biggest challenge is this one. "I can't do this. I've tried it before and it worked for a grand total of 2 weeks before I gave up. My schedule keeps on changing so I can't keep a daily routine. I've tried to eat healthy and exercise for me, for my friends, for my family, but it's never lasted. So why should this time be different?" I don't have the answer to that question. I don't know why this time should be different, but I do know I have to keep on trying. Maybe there isn't a quick-fix and maybe there won't be a miraculous breakthrough, but maybe, like the tortoise, I will eventually reach my long-distant goal.

If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go and chew on a stick of celery. . .