The weight goes up; the weight goes down. Eating out sabotages my efforts; eating in gives me free rein to snack and nibble. Tonight I was hungry. I'd had my usual soy yoghurt with ground flaxmeal and wholewheat cinnamon roll for breakfast, a plate of brown jasmine rice with collard greens and a tofu/spinach scramble for lunch along with a piece of fudge for dessert, and for supper a gluten-free burrito with half a tomato and a hearty serving of stir-fry. Everything was tasty but I didn't feel full. I'm used to feeling stuffed.
So I ate some more. I had two mini cracker snack packs, half a pawpaw, and a wholewheat pita bread with half an avocado and fresh mint leaves. Then I was happy. I think I need that feeling of satiety that comes from eating something with fat in it, which I was missing for supper.
At first I was upset with myself for eating so much for supper. Then I thought about it logically. I was low on the calorie-end of things so it was okay to eat a little more. The extra part of my supper was primarily composed of healthy foods (whole grains, herbs, fruit). I did great overall today with my general intake of food.
So instead of being upset with myself, I choose to be happy that I'm on the path to healthier food choices! I think it helps that I've chosen not to purchase snack foods so I don't have those to fall back on when I am feeling like eating for emotional reasons. My snack packs now consist of healthy trail mix instead of Twix bars. Wahoo!!! I think maybe. . .it's finally starting to click.
Oh, side note, I watched That Sugar Film yesterday. After I've finished eating the yoghurts I bought cheap at Grocery Outlet, I'm going to cut down my sugar intake. I think that also leads to a feeling to not being full.
Monday, October 19, 2015
Saturday, October 17, 2015
Eat This, Not That
I went shopping on Sunday for convenience foods. It went against my frugal "religion" yet I knew I had to try it out to see if it would help me in eating healthier. My biggest excuse in not eating healthy is that it takes too much time and I don't have that much time. In reality, if I spent an hour less on Facebook every day, I could use it to prep grab-and-go meals for the next day, but it's my escape mechanism for now. Hence, to prevent food from being an escape mechanism also, I decided to invest some of my hard-earned $ into buying packaged foods.
I grew up in a household where cakes were lovingly created from flour, sugar, eggs, milk, and fresh fruits (unless we bought one from the local bakery). We did not know that things such as cake mixes existed and when a college friend asked if I'd like to bake a cake for our choir director and she showed up at my house the next day with a cardboard box, I looked curiously at her, wondering how that was supposed to produce a cake. Miraculously, it did, but to this day I bake from scratch. It shows care for the other person and saves money too.
In addition to baking, we ate simple foods. My mother wasn't too keen on cooking, so when we left Africa and our house-boy/personal chef behind, she prepared meals that didn't require too much effort yet still provided growing children with nutrition. A familiar staple was boiled green beans and potatoes with a brown gravy and applesauce. Or we'd have macaroni and tomato sauce or rice and yellow lentils. One or two ingredient meals that filled our bellies.
As a teenager, I learned to cook for my nutrition class in homeschool and quickly found I enjoyed it. My mother happily handed over the apron and cutting board and I began to experiment with food. My younger brother's food allergies challenged me to create tasty substitutes, such as beet sauce for spaghetti (not a hit), and taught me sensitivity to people with different dietary needs. My diverse ethnic heritage provided me with an abundance of cuisines to draw from and I became adept at reproducing favourite dishes. Tabbouleh joined koushari, samosas, fresh rolls, bryani, garlic baby bok choy, trifle, and more on our family table.
Then life happened, I was working, and I had less time or interest in preparing fun foods. Now I grabbed the easy carbs, mostly bread, added a thick layer of fat, mostly vegenaise or margarine, and my meals were ready. There were fewer fruit-rich grain breakfasts and stir-fry veggie-heavy dinners. I needed comfort foods instead of finding comfort in preparing the foods.
So, while I recognized my life's trend had changed, I also knew I had to be proactive about being healthy in this stage of life. This was why I found myself wandering Costco, Whole Foods, and Trader Joe's aisles in search of foods that would provide the nutrition my body craved in the speed of time my mind demanded. I cringed as I paid $39 for gluten-free burritos but then reminded myself that it was two week's worth and it was cheaper than a diet plan.
I headed home with staples and new foods, some which have been a success and others which have failed. Unsweetened almond milk from Grocery Outlet: fail. It was too thick which made me think it had gone off (it hasn't, but I'm not convinced, so it's sitting in the fridge, waiting to go bad.) Amy's Kitchen Lentil soup (low sodium): win. Huge win. It comes in a non-BPA lined can, is just 180 calories, and the lentils are nice and soft (not crunchy like some soups are). I bought a box of soups at Costco and it cost me a little under $1.50 per can. With a side salad or a veggie stir-fry (both can be bought as convenience foods also), it's a perfect supper that fills me up and is heavy on the recommended healthy carbs and veggies.
Interestingly enough, I'm finding now that I have time to dedicate to food prep after all. I grind flaxseed meal to add to my soy yogurt in the morning (it keeps my blood sugar level for at least 4 hours). I chop up veggies for a quick salad. I make fresh rolls for a light meal. Even though it was hard to shell out money for foods I could make but wasn't, I think it was a wise decision. It helped push me in a positive food choice direction and gave me support so when I was hungry, I could grab a tasty burrito instead of a handful of chips.
I was reading old diary entries from 2009. I'd carefully chronicled each meal for about a month, most of them consisting of cookies, cheese sticks, white bread, vegenaise, and the occasional vegetable here and there. There had been some weight loss but it fluctuated madly and made me frustrated. I was convinced, though, that since I was counting calories I would lose weight. Now, 6 years later, I'm at the same weight I was then and, according to my patient CalorieCount weight log, have seen that weight and gone up and down in about a 16-pound range. It isn't a healthy way to live. In 2009, I was so excited. I was going to lose a pound a week and in 31 weeks, just in time for my 30th birthday, I was going to reach my target goal: the top range for my height. Sadly, I never saw that number.
I'm not going to say that this time I shall be successful. I've found that when I loudly proclaim that in the past, I've fallen the heaviest on my face. I am going to say that this time I want to persist, I want to do all I can to support my effort, and I'm thankful for the opportunity to focus on my health. I believe God wants me to have a healthy body and I believe He will give me the support I need if I ask Him for it. I also recognize that it isn't a simple or easy process. It's kind of like life. There are things I need to change in myself to be a better person and it isn't easy to do so. I need to be kinder and less impatient. This is something I may have to work on my whole life. So I want to humbly ask God for help, both to be kind and to be healthy, and together work on achieving that goal.
Here's to health.
I grew up in a household where cakes were lovingly created from flour, sugar, eggs, milk, and fresh fruits (unless we bought one from the local bakery). We did not know that things such as cake mixes existed and when a college friend asked if I'd like to bake a cake for our choir director and she showed up at my house the next day with a cardboard box, I looked curiously at her, wondering how that was supposed to produce a cake. Miraculously, it did, but to this day I bake from scratch. It shows care for the other person and saves money too.
In addition to baking, we ate simple foods. My mother wasn't too keen on cooking, so when we left Africa and our house-boy/personal chef behind, she prepared meals that didn't require too much effort yet still provided growing children with nutrition. A familiar staple was boiled green beans and potatoes with a brown gravy and applesauce. Or we'd have macaroni and tomato sauce or rice and yellow lentils. One or two ingredient meals that filled our bellies.
As a teenager, I learned to cook for my nutrition class in homeschool and quickly found I enjoyed it. My mother happily handed over the apron and cutting board and I began to experiment with food. My younger brother's food allergies challenged me to create tasty substitutes, such as beet sauce for spaghetti (not a hit), and taught me sensitivity to people with different dietary needs. My diverse ethnic heritage provided me with an abundance of cuisines to draw from and I became adept at reproducing favourite dishes. Tabbouleh joined koushari, samosas, fresh rolls, bryani, garlic baby bok choy, trifle, and more on our family table.
Then life happened, I was working, and I had less time or interest in preparing fun foods. Now I grabbed the easy carbs, mostly bread, added a thick layer of fat, mostly vegenaise or margarine, and my meals were ready. There were fewer fruit-rich grain breakfasts and stir-fry veggie-heavy dinners. I needed comfort foods instead of finding comfort in preparing the foods.
So, while I recognized my life's trend had changed, I also knew I had to be proactive about being healthy in this stage of life. This was why I found myself wandering Costco, Whole Foods, and Trader Joe's aisles in search of foods that would provide the nutrition my body craved in the speed of time my mind demanded. I cringed as I paid $39 for gluten-free burritos but then reminded myself that it was two week's worth and it was cheaper than a diet plan.
I headed home with staples and new foods, some which have been a success and others which have failed. Unsweetened almond milk from Grocery Outlet: fail. It was too thick which made me think it had gone off (it hasn't, but I'm not convinced, so it's sitting in the fridge, waiting to go bad.) Amy's Kitchen Lentil soup (low sodium): win. Huge win. It comes in a non-BPA lined can, is just 180 calories, and the lentils are nice and soft (not crunchy like some soups are). I bought a box of soups at Costco and it cost me a little under $1.50 per can. With a side salad or a veggie stir-fry (both can be bought as convenience foods also), it's a perfect supper that fills me up and is heavy on the recommended healthy carbs and veggies.
Interestingly enough, I'm finding now that I have time to dedicate to food prep after all. I grind flaxseed meal to add to my soy yogurt in the morning (it keeps my blood sugar level for at least 4 hours). I chop up veggies for a quick salad. I make fresh rolls for a light meal. Even though it was hard to shell out money for foods I could make but wasn't, I think it was a wise decision. It helped push me in a positive food choice direction and gave me support so when I was hungry, I could grab a tasty burrito instead of a handful of chips.
I was reading old diary entries from 2009. I'd carefully chronicled each meal for about a month, most of them consisting of cookies, cheese sticks, white bread, vegenaise, and the occasional vegetable here and there. There had been some weight loss but it fluctuated madly and made me frustrated. I was convinced, though, that since I was counting calories I would lose weight. Now, 6 years later, I'm at the same weight I was then and, according to my patient CalorieCount weight log, have seen that weight and gone up and down in about a 16-pound range. It isn't a healthy way to live. In 2009, I was so excited. I was going to lose a pound a week and in 31 weeks, just in time for my 30th birthday, I was going to reach my target goal: the top range for my height. Sadly, I never saw that number.
I'm not going to say that this time I shall be successful. I've found that when I loudly proclaim that in the past, I've fallen the heaviest on my face. I am going to say that this time I want to persist, I want to do all I can to support my effort, and I'm thankful for the opportunity to focus on my health. I believe God wants me to have a healthy body and I believe He will give me the support I need if I ask Him for it. I also recognize that it isn't a simple or easy process. It's kind of like life. There are things I need to change in myself to be a better person and it isn't easy to do so. I need to be kinder and less impatient. This is something I may have to work on my whole life. So I want to humbly ask God for help, both to be kind and to be healthy, and together work on achieving that goal.
Here's to health.
Monday, October 5, 2015
Of Chickpeas and Voices
Trying to live healthy. A hummus-cucumber sandwich for breakfast, whole-wheat pasta with chickpea alfredo-type sauce and steamed broccoli for lunch with a cookie for dessert, a large salad with olives/sunflower seeds/corn for supper. No snacks, plenty of water. Tomorrow I will wake up early enough to exercise.
In all honesty, I'm tired (not enough sleep over the weekend) and grumpy because I want to eat carbs in the evening. I want bread. If I could eat bread three times a day I would be happy. My mom would tell me that means I'm addicted to carbs. Maybe I am, or maybe it's just that they fill my stomach and keep it from grumbling and making me feel horrible whenever I try to eat healthier.
I think this is the hardest part of it all--of healthy living. It's getting past the voice in my head that says, "You're miserable, this could end very quickly if you exercised your free will and buttered up a slice of bread with lots of jam or put a slice of your favourite vegan cheese on a sandwich with lots of vegenaise. You deserve it. . ." The voice that calls for longevity, fitting into my skirts and pants and cute dresses again, feeling good about myself, and knowing I'm doing the right thing? That voice is the softest of whispers right now. . .
In all honesty, I'm tired (not enough sleep over the weekend) and grumpy because I want to eat carbs in the evening. I want bread. If I could eat bread three times a day I would be happy. My mom would tell me that means I'm addicted to carbs. Maybe I am, or maybe it's just that they fill my stomach and keep it from grumbling and making me feel horrible whenever I try to eat healthier.
I think this is the hardest part of it all--of healthy living. It's getting past the voice in my head that says, "You're miserable, this could end very quickly if you exercised your free will and buttered up a slice of bread with lots of jam or put a slice of your favourite vegan cheese on a sandwich with lots of vegenaise. You deserve it. . ." The voice that calls for longevity, fitting into my skirts and pants and cute dresses again, feeling good about myself, and knowing I'm doing the right thing? That voice is the softest of whispers right now. . .
Wednesday, July 22, 2015
The Facts
I stared at my vitals from the doctor's visit yesterday. My BP was high. My weight had just tipped into the top of the obese BMI range (granted, it was with clothes, but still). It made me sad. I reached for a box of caramel chocolate peanut fudge and took another spoonful. When I'd eaten so much I felt sick because of its sweetness, I tried an old trick. I nuked a slice of vegan cheese on a piece of bread, sprinkled it with salt, then enjoyed the diversion in taste so I could eat a couple more spoonfuls of fudge.
Chew and repeat.
I tried so hard today. I had a green smoothie for breakfast: 370 calories. I had a haystack lunch but piled it high with veggies. Maybe 600 calories? I had a cup of lentils, some whole wheat linguine, and two rye crackers with hummus and cucumbers and green olives for supper. I had cherries for a snack. And then it was 10:30 at night, I was hungry because lentils and linguine don't stay long in my stomach, and I'd just finished cooking up a huge pot of delicious Thai yellow curry for lunch the next day. I had a spoonful and then I sat down to log into my health record. That's when I reached for the fudge.
There are days I feel triumphant that I've managed to eat healthy all day. Then there are days I feel frustrated because I don't know how to eat healthy, I'm tired of chewing carrots, I want a slice of bread and I don't want to give up wheat, and the thought of walking a mile sounds like the worst idea of the month. I seem to have 98% bad days and 2% good days. I wonder why I keep trying? It would be easier to give up and just eat what I'd like to eat. Sometimes I wonder, if I did that, would the weight magically melt away? Would it be like those stories of single women who stop searching for a guy and only then does the perfect guy appear?
I've tried it before, though, and I only ended up putting on more weight. I blame my metabolism and I do have a medical reason to do so. At the same time, I know the numbers and they're adding up. I don't keep my daily limit to 1500 calories. I don't exercise to boost my metabolism. I go to bed late and sleep in or I'm lacking in sleep. There are many ways I still need to improve so yes, the numbers on the scale are accurate.
I want to be comfortable in my skin and in the clothes I wear. I don't want to buy size 16 skirts or XL tops. I don't want to worry that people will think I'm pregnant because I carry most of my weight in my belly. I'm embarrassed that I won't look beautiful for my best friend's wedding in just 5 weeks. I struggle because the emotions I feel drive me to food which caused these problems in the first place.
I don't want to wake up with diabetes, worry about having a heart attack, or maintain my high blood pressure. I want to live a healthy full life where I can hike a hill without running out of breath. This will require even more self-control than I have now.
As I reflect on where I've been, binging and hoarding food regularly, eating 8 slices of bread for supper because I could, stuffing my stomach so full it ached when I stopped, I see I've come far. I still have a path to traverse but I'm thankful I'm not just beginning the journey.
I may never look like a super model, but I want to be comfortable with who I am. I want to be able to accept myself instead of live in judgement. And that, perhaps, is the hardest lesson of all to learn.
Chew and repeat.
I tried so hard today. I had a green smoothie for breakfast: 370 calories. I had a haystack lunch but piled it high with veggies. Maybe 600 calories? I had a cup of lentils, some whole wheat linguine, and two rye crackers with hummus and cucumbers and green olives for supper. I had cherries for a snack. And then it was 10:30 at night, I was hungry because lentils and linguine don't stay long in my stomach, and I'd just finished cooking up a huge pot of delicious Thai yellow curry for lunch the next day. I had a spoonful and then I sat down to log into my health record. That's when I reached for the fudge.
There are days I feel triumphant that I've managed to eat healthy all day. Then there are days I feel frustrated because I don't know how to eat healthy, I'm tired of chewing carrots, I want a slice of bread and I don't want to give up wheat, and the thought of walking a mile sounds like the worst idea of the month. I seem to have 98% bad days and 2% good days. I wonder why I keep trying? It would be easier to give up and just eat what I'd like to eat. Sometimes I wonder, if I did that, would the weight magically melt away? Would it be like those stories of single women who stop searching for a guy and only then does the perfect guy appear?
I've tried it before, though, and I only ended up putting on more weight. I blame my metabolism and I do have a medical reason to do so. At the same time, I know the numbers and they're adding up. I don't keep my daily limit to 1500 calories. I don't exercise to boost my metabolism. I go to bed late and sleep in or I'm lacking in sleep. There are many ways I still need to improve so yes, the numbers on the scale are accurate.
I want to be comfortable in my skin and in the clothes I wear. I don't want to buy size 16 skirts or XL tops. I don't want to worry that people will think I'm pregnant because I carry most of my weight in my belly. I'm embarrassed that I won't look beautiful for my best friend's wedding in just 5 weeks. I struggle because the emotions I feel drive me to food which caused these problems in the first place.
I don't want to wake up with diabetes, worry about having a heart attack, or maintain my high blood pressure. I want to live a healthy full life where I can hike a hill without running out of breath. This will require even more self-control than I have now.
As I reflect on where I've been, binging and hoarding food regularly, eating 8 slices of bread for supper because I could, stuffing my stomach so full it ached when I stopped, I see I've come far. I still have a path to traverse but I'm thankful I'm not just beginning the journey.
I may never look like a super model, but I want to be comfortable with who I am. I want to be able to accept myself instead of live in judgement. And that, perhaps, is the hardest lesson of all to learn.
Sunday, May 17, 2015
Green Smoothies and Pyramids
My pet peeve: people who tout various pyramid-scheme, multi-level marketing programs as the cure-all for various health issues. In reality, it's the caffeine and the green tea in that "fizzy stick" that is keeping your appetite and weight down. It's not rocket science. Healthy whole plant foods provide the best nutrition for our bodies. Unfortunately, it seems to be rocket science when it comes to actually implementing the steps.
I think this is why so many people get excited about quick-fix products. Yes, you have to pay something for the product, but you're guaranteed results, you get a support group, and you feel accountable to stick to the program.
What if you put the money you're spending into organic fruits and veggies? What if you invested the time you used to build a team of sellers into exercising, creating tasty dishes, and learning more about nutrition?
I'm going to be the first to confess that I'm struggling with living a healthy life. I need to lose at least 30 pounds, I need a regular exercise plan, and I am not always good at choosing grapes over tortilla chips. I've done the on-again-off-again diet deal for years now and each time it gets slightly more frustrating and slightly less rewarding. So I'm here to say I want to change but I want it to be a lifestyle change. I want to be able to sustain it for a lifetime and feel good about it.
I was wondering what my next project would be after I finished my graduate studies. I think I've found it. It's to become a healthier version of me in the healthiest way possible. And then maybe I'll write a book about it. Or at least a blog :)
I think this is why so many people get excited about quick-fix products. Yes, you have to pay something for the product, but you're guaranteed results, you get a support group, and you feel accountable to stick to the program.
What if you put the money you're spending into organic fruits and veggies? What if you invested the time you used to build a team of sellers into exercising, creating tasty dishes, and learning more about nutrition?
I'm going to be the first to confess that I'm struggling with living a healthy life. I need to lose at least 30 pounds, I need a regular exercise plan, and I am not always good at choosing grapes over tortilla chips. I've done the on-again-off-again diet deal for years now and each time it gets slightly more frustrating and slightly less rewarding. So I'm here to say I want to change but I want it to be a lifestyle change. I want to be able to sustain it for a lifetime and feel good about it.
I was wondering what my next project would be after I finished my graduate studies. I think I've found it. It's to become a healthier version of me in the healthiest way possible. And then maybe I'll write a book about it. Or at least a blog :)
Sunday, April 26, 2015
Mediterranean Meal
I'm going to try documenting my meals by taking pictures of them. We'll see how long this lasts!
Sunday Brunch ~569 calories
1 large white pita bread (special treat from Lebanon)
2 tsp tahini (approximately)
1/3 English cucumber
24 green olives
1 cara cara orange
4 grams of fiber so I need to bump up the fiber in my next meal.
Sunday Brunch ~569 calories1 large white pita bread (special treat from Lebanon)
2 tsp tahini (approximately)
1/3 English cucumber
24 green olives
1 cara cara orange
4 grams of fiber so I need to bump up the fiber in my next meal.
Monday, February 16, 2015
Scorecard
On a mixed up schedule since the weekend and now I'm not sure how to get back on. I know I need to get out exercising again, especially with this amazing weather. I know I need to eat a proper breakfast so I'm not eating supper at 10:30 pm. I know I need to stop eating potato chips, even if they are vegan and amazingly flavoured sour cream and onion.
I know all the right things to do but I'm tired of doing them. . .
'cept I can't be tired, because I need to do this. I need to succeed. I need to reach my goal in weight loss just as I reach my goal in academics. So I'm off to bed to get some sleep and then tomorrow I'll be out exercising.
I know all the right things to do but I'm tired of doing them. . .
'cept I can't be tired, because I need to do this. I need to succeed. I need to reach my goal in weight loss just as I reach my goal in academics. So I'm off to bed to get some sleep and then tomorrow I'll be out exercising.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)