An Emotional Hole

I stress-eat. I'm pretty sure I'm not alone but what I need to know is how to stop doing that. Tonight it was a frustrating text message exchange that set off the binge of Danish cookies and hazelnut vanilla spread. I think I managed about 1500 calories, or 10 times as much exercise as I did today (which was not easy, I might add). They say that exercise is not as beneficial to weight loss as learning how to eat right and it makes sense when I look at the numbers.

In the end, it's only me who suffers. When I find myself in a difficult situation and I console myself with high-fat high-sugar high-carb comfort foods, I feel good for a moment but once the food disappears and I come out of the fat/sugar/carb "coma" I realize that 1500 calories has gone into my mouth but the emotional hole is as empty as before.

I had decided to exercise diligently this week. I am changing my resolution. Instead I shall work on understanding what is going on inside my head and heart. I shall also use some of that time to indulge in healthy foods. In other words, make hummus and eat it with cucumbers and olives instead of grabbing chips and salsa. Peel an orange instead of a granola bar.

My affirmation for this week: "If it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you." ~Fred Devito.

Which key is it?

I had hoped it wouldn't come back to this. Successfully managing to keep off about 5-8 pounds, but the rest of the 22+ have returned. I get frustrated because I wonder if I will ever manage to drop to that magical weight and be able to keep it there. Read about all-or-nothing thinking today in The Lost Art of Thinking and realized that there is where one of my challenges lie. I had just decided not to eat vegenaise again. I've done that before, then I've binged on it, and then I'm right back to where I started. It's hard for me to set realistic goals; in life as well as in weight loss I tend to aim for an "A" grade and anything less than that means that I'm less than also.

This is going to be hard, but this week I am going to restrict myself to 30 minutes of exercise every day. I'm doing it for a purpose; I want to be able to sustain it and I want to enjoy it/look forward to it. I will also do my best to eat oatmeal for breakfast and an orange every night for supper.

I'm turning 35 this year, in just over 6 months. I would like to reach a weight that makes me smile, both when I reach that milestone birthday and when I reach for my graduate diploma. I feel sad because I think it's not possible, I can't keep up a regime of oatmeal breakfasts, no suppers, no sugar, and no oil for long. Tonight though, I want to commit to myself that I will consider this goal as important as my goal of graduating with a 4.0 GPA (4 classes away from that!). I would like to dedicate time, persistence, and encouragement to my goal of a healthier me.

I recognize that the biggest struggle is not inside the doors of my refrigerator or the size of my plate. It is within me. When I can learn to be kind to myself and to translate that kindness into health instead of numbing foods, then I shall have unlocked the key to success.