Day 4

Headache is gone, thank goodness! I'm eating a lot of almonds & mandarins. Probably should cut down on the almonds :) as they are high calorie. But it's better to eat almonds than chocolate chip cookies! If I eat beans for breakfast and lunch, it keeps me full longer. I'm finding my cravings are minimal and my feeling of satiety comes quicker and lasts longer. When I was binging on sugars and processed carbs, I would have an intense feeling of hunger before eating and would wolf down my food so my stomach wouldn't hurt. Now I'm learning to eat for the sake of eating a meal, not out of desperation.

Day 3

Today I woke up with a headache. I did a bit of research online and found out sugar withdrawals can give a person a headache. Hopefully it will be gone tomorrow. Still a bit cranky and tired too. I'm happy to say I made it through day 3 without reaching for sugar. It's mandarin season so I make sure to eat at least two a day and that keeps my hollow sugary tooth satisfied!

Pressing On

Day 2 of no sugar. It hasn't been too difficult. I keep reminding myself that I can eat anything I want as long as it doesn't have sugar in it. Which can be rather restrictive if you're used to eating processed foods.

For breakfast I had wholewheat couscous with chickpeas and marinated artichoke hearts and then two mandarins. Lunch was leftover curry and rice, with some almonds for dessert. Supper was a can of lentil soup, two slices of bread thinly spread with vegenaise and with cucumber, and a small bowl of grapes. I had some more almonds and a mandarin for a mid-afternoon snack since lunch wasn't very filling.

It's just 10 days, right? I have a headache, it started mid-afternoon. I wonder if it's related to the no-sugar intake. Still somewhat irritable.

But I'm proud of myself because I had a whole bowl of peppermint patties on my desk all day and didn't eat a single one.

Sure hope this thing works with the weight loss. Off to bed so I can get up and walk for 30 minutes. I know, weight loss requires a minimum of 60-90 minutes of exercise a day. But I walk 30 minutes in the morning, and then 7 minutes to and from work 4 times a day which adds up to another 28 minutes. Tomorrow I'm going to try to figure out how to use a vivofit and see if that helps me up the miles during the day.

1 of 10

Day 1 of 10 days of no sugar. I'm about 9 hours into it, since I slept in this morning, but I can say without a doubt that it is pretty miserable. I was doing fine, until I started cooking this evening and suddenly the rest of the family decided that was their cue to start preparing their supper so we were doing a dance in the small kitchen. Suddenly I felt myself getting angry inside. I kept silent as usually when I'm in a "mood" it is easier if we all stay away from each other. My mom tried to make small talk and my answers were short and curt. I just wanted to finish the cooking and retreat to my safe room. With a plate of cookies. Or a warm baguette with real cheese. Ah the cravings.

I learned a new word the other day. Orthorexia. At first I thought it was a hoax but the National Eating Disorder Association defines it as a "fixation on healthy eating" saying that those who suffer from this "become consumed with what and how much to eat, and how to deal with “slip-ups.”  An iron-clad will is needed to maintain this rigid eating style.  Every day is a chance to eat right, be “good,” rise above others in dietary prowess, and self-punish if temptation wins (usually through stricter eating, fasts and exercise).  Self-esteem becomes wrapped up in the purity of orthorexics’ diet and they sometimes feel superior to others, especially in regard to food intake." (Taken from https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/orthorexia-nervosa) There's a list of 8 questions you can self-diagnose with and I found myself checking Yes to 7 of them. It made me sad.

I wish I could enjoy eating without worrying about what I eat. When I lived in South Korea for a summer, I ate what I pleased. Green tea ice lollies, pastries with unidentifiable contents, kimbap and bibimbap (sushi and a veggie/rice/fried egg bowl), white bread with mayonnaise, mini spinach (and the occasional accidental ham) quiches, vegetable stir fry, and lots of brown rice with kimchee (pickled cabbage, hopefully without the shrimp paste). I came home weighing the lowest I had in years even though I was enjoying carbs, refined foods, and sugar.

Then I spent the next 10. . .yes, you heard right, 10. . .years struggling to maintain the weight even as I stepped onto a roller coaster of emotions and fat. I went up nearly 40 pounds, I went down 22, and I teetered everywhere in between. I exercised, restricted refined foods, went on no-sugar diets, counted calories, ate 2 servings of vegetables at every meal, slept 8 hours a night, ate beans, and meticulously charted my weight. The weight that went up and down, up and down, up and down.

I thought I was doing everything right and was frustrated with myself because the results were not forthcoming as quickly as I had planned. I needed to lose 20 pounds for my best friend's wedding, for my master's graduation, for my 35th birthday. As each milestone came closer, I panicked, restricted, and then binged. I didn't know how to plod like the tortoise so instead I found myself sprinting like the hare only to run out of energy about 20 miles down the 100-mile track. I was doing a lot but it wasn't enough. And it wasn't sticking.

You see, if I'm perfectly honest with myself and with you, I wasn't sticking to the plan. Yes, I was careful with my regular meals, but there was a 4th meal at night, after everyone was in bed and the lights were out. That meal consisted of cookies, candy, chips, and ice cream. Or if we had a special treat, I would eat one at lunchtime and then three or four at the 4th meal. I became adept at disguising how much food I was eating and when. I ate healthy, yes, but I also ate unhealthy.

I do want to take a moment to focus on the positive in the midst of confession time. I have eliminated my thyroid medication and I attribute it primarily to a vegan diet. I don't buy Twix or Reese's chocolate at the checkout stand and we no longer stock potato chips and Hansen's sodas on our treat shelf. Right now, the only sugary things in the house are some ice cream and chocolate chips in the freezer and when they're gone, they're gone. The grocery list is jammed full of veggies, wholewheat carbs, and rye crackers.

So why another diet? Two reasons. I watched That Sugar Film recently and read an article about children with metabolic syndrome who were put on a 10-day sugar fast. Both of those are incentive to give it a try. The second reason is that I just cleaned out my cupboard. I have a tendency to put off unpleasant things (am guessing I'm not the only one!) and I've been putting off cleaning out my cupboard for several weeks. When I finally sat down and worked on it, it took me about an hour. I'd wasted many more hours avoiding tackling the task when it could have been done and I could have been enjoying using that closet.

Similarly, I need to tackle the unpleasant task of losing weight. I want to do it in a healthy way so when people ask me how I did it, I won't smile smugly and say "Isagenix" or "Shakeology" or any of those other high-priced programs out there. I want to be able to tell them that it is possible on a limited budget, in a small kitchen, with a busy life, to eat healthy. If I work on it now, instead of spending the next 10 years avoiding the unpleasant task, maybe one day I'll wake up and smile because my body is finally where I want it to be. I sure hope so.

For tonight, I need to figure out how to satisfy the emotional urge to eat. Maybe some tea or a rye cracker will do.

The Seesaw of Life

The weight goes up; the weight goes down. Eating out sabotages my efforts; eating in gives me free rein to snack and nibble. Tonight I was hungry. I'd had my usual soy yoghurt with ground flaxmeal and wholewheat cinnamon roll for breakfast, a plate of brown jasmine rice with collard greens and a tofu/spinach scramble for lunch along with a piece of fudge for dessert, and for supper a gluten-free burrito with half a tomato and a hearty serving of stir-fry. Everything was tasty but I didn't feel full. I'm used to feeling stuffed.

So I ate some more. I had two mini cracker snack packs, half a pawpaw, and a wholewheat pita bread with half an avocado and fresh mint leaves. Then I was happy. I think I need that feeling of satiety that comes from eating something with fat in it, which I was missing for supper.

At first I was upset with myself for eating so much for supper. Then I thought about it logically. I was low on the calorie-end of things so it was okay to eat a little more. The extra part of my supper was primarily composed of healthy foods (whole grains, herbs, fruit). I did great overall today with my general intake of food.

So instead of being upset with myself, I choose to be happy that I'm on the path to healthier food choices! I think it helps that I've chosen not to purchase snack foods so I don't have those to fall back on when I am feeling like eating for emotional reasons. My snack packs now consist of healthy trail mix instead of Twix bars. Wahoo!!! I think maybe. . .it's finally starting to click.

Oh, side note, I watched That Sugar Film yesterday. After I've finished eating the yoghurts I bought cheap at Grocery Outlet, I'm going to cut down my sugar intake. I think that also leads to a feeling to not being full.

Eat This, Not That

I went shopping on Sunday for convenience foods. It went against my frugal "religion" yet I knew I had to try it out to see if it would help me in eating healthier. My biggest excuse in not eating healthy is that it takes too much time and I don't have that much time. In reality, if I spent an hour less on Facebook every day, I could use it to prep grab-and-go meals for the next day, but it's my escape mechanism for now. Hence, to prevent food from being an escape mechanism also, I decided to invest some of my hard-earned $ into buying packaged foods.

I grew up in a household where cakes were lovingly created from flour, sugar, eggs, milk, and fresh fruits (unless we bought one from the local bakery). We did not know that things such as cake mixes existed and when a college friend asked if I'd like to bake a cake for our choir director and she showed up at my house the next day with a cardboard box, I looked curiously at her, wondering how that was supposed to produce a cake. Miraculously, it did, but to this day I bake from scratch. It shows care for the other person and saves money too.

In addition to baking, we ate simple foods. My  mother wasn't too keen on cooking, so when we left Africa and our house-boy/personal chef behind, she prepared meals that didn't require too much effort yet still provided growing children with nutrition. A familiar staple was boiled green beans and potatoes with a brown gravy and applesauce. Or we'd have macaroni and tomato sauce or rice and yellow lentils. One or two ingredient meals that filled our bellies.

As a teenager, I learned to cook for my nutrition class in homeschool and quickly found I enjoyed it. My mother happily handed over the apron and cutting board and I began to experiment with food. My younger brother's food allergies challenged me to create tasty substitutes, such as beet sauce for spaghetti (not a hit), and taught me sensitivity to people with different dietary needs. My diverse ethnic heritage provided me with an abundance of cuisines to draw from and I became adept at reproducing favourite dishes. Tabbouleh joined koushari, samosas, fresh rolls, bryani, garlic baby bok choy, trifle, and more on our family table.

Then life happened, I was working, and I had less time or interest in preparing fun foods. Now I grabbed the easy carbs, mostly bread, added a thick layer of fat, mostly vegenaise or margarine, and my meals were ready. There were fewer fruit-rich grain breakfasts and stir-fry veggie-heavy dinners. I needed comfort foods instead of finding comfort in preparing the foods.

So, while I recognized my life's trend had changed, I also knew I had to be proactive about being healthy in this stage of life. This was why I found myself wandering Costco, Whole Foods, and Trader Joe's aisles in search of foods that would provide the nutrition my body craved in the speed of time my mind demanded. I cringed as I paid $39 for gluten-free burritos but then reminded myself that it was two week's worth and it was cheaper than a diet plan.

I headed home with staples and new foods, some which have been a success and others which have failed. Unsweetened almond milk from Grocery Outlet: fail. It was too thick which made me think it had gone off (it hasn't, but I'm not convinced, so it's sitting in the fridge, waiting to go bad.) Amy's Kitchen Lentil soup (low sodium): win. Huge win. It comes in a non-BPA lined can, is just 180 calories, and the lentils are nice and soft (not crunchy like some soups are). I bought a box of soups at Costco and it cost me a little under $1.50 per can. With a side salad or a veggie stir-fry (both can be bought as convenience foods also), it's a perfect supper that fills me up and is heavy on the recommended healthy carbs and veggies.

Interestingly enough, I'm finding now that I have time to dedicate to food prep after all. I grind flaxseed meal to add to my soy yogurt in the morning (it keeps my blood sugar level for at least 4 hours). I chop up veggies for a quick salad. I make fresh rolls for a light meal. Even though it was hard to shell out money for foods I could make but wasn't, I think it was a wise decision. It helped push me in a positive food choice direction and gave me support so when I was hungry, I could grab a tasty burrito instead of a handful of chips.

I was reading old diary entries from 2009. I'd carefully chronicled each meal for about a month, most of them consisting of cookies, cheese sticks, white bread, vegenaise, and the occasional vegetable here and there. There had been some weight loss but it fluctuated madly and made me frustrated. I was convinced, though, that since I was counting calories I would lose weight. Now, 6 years later, I'm at the same weight I was then and, according to my patient CalorieCount weight log, have seen that weight and gone up and down in about a 16-pound range. It isn't a healthy way to live. In 2009, I was so excited. I was going to lose a pound a week and in 31 weeks, just in time for my 30th birthday, I was going to reach my target goal: the top range for my height. Sadly, I never saw that number.

I'm not going to say that this time I shall be successful. I've found that when I loudly proclaim that in the past, I've fallen the heaviest on my face. I am going to say that this time I want to persist, I want to do all I can to support my effort, and I'm thankful for the opportunity to focus on my health. I believe God wants me to have a healthy body and I believe He will give me the support I need if I ask Him for it. I also recognize that it isn't a simple or easy process. It's kind of like life. There are things I need to change in myself to be a better person and it isn't easy to do so. I need to be kinder and less impatient. This is something I may have to work on my whole life. So I want to humbly ask God for help, both to be kind and to be healthy, and together work on achieving that goal.

Here's to health.

Of Chickpeas and Voices

Trying to live healthy. A hummus-cucumber sandwich for breakfast, whole-wheat pasta with chickpea alfredo-type sauce and steamed broccoli for lunch with a cookie for dessert, a large salad with olives/sunflower seeds/corn for supper. No snacks, plenty of water. Tomorrow I will wake up early enough to exercise.

In all honesty, I'm tired (not enough sleep over the weekend) and grumpy because I want to eat carbs in the evening. I want bread. If I could eat bread three times a day I would be happy. My mom would tell me that means I'm addicted to carbs. Maybe I am, or maybe it's just that they fill my stomach and keep it from grumbling and making me feel horrible whenever I try to eat healthier.

I think this is the hardest part of it all--of healthy living. It's getting past the voice in my head that says, "You're miserable, this could end very quickly if you exercised your free will and buttered up a slice of bread with lots of jam or put a slice of your favourite vegan cheese on a sandwich with lots of vegenaise. You deserve it. . ." The voice that calls for longevity, fitting into my skirts and pants and cute dresses again, feeling good about myself, and knowing I'm doing the right thing? That voice is the softest of whispers right now. . .

The Facts

I stared at my vitals from the doctor's visit yesterday. My BP was high. My weight had just tipped into the top of the obese BMI range (granted, it was with clothes, but still). It made me sad. I reached for a box of caramel chocolate peanut fudge and took another spoonful. When I'd eaten so much I felt sick because of its sweetness, I tried an old trick. I nuked a slice of vegan cheese on a piece of bread, sprinkled it with salt, then enjoyed the diversion in taste so I could eat a couple more spoonfuls of fudge.

Chew and repeat.

I tried so hard today. I had a green smoothie for breakfast: 370 calories. I had a haystack lunch but piled it high with veggies. Maybe 600 calories? I had a cup of lentils, some whole wheat linguine, and two rye crackers with hummus and cucumbers and green olives for supper. I had cherries for a snack. And then it was 10:30 at night, I was hungry because lentils and linguine don't stay long in my stomach, and I'd just finished cooking up a huge pot of delicious Thai yellow curry for lunch the next day. I had a spoonful and then I sat down to log into my health record. That's when I reached for the fudge.

There are days I feel triumphant that I've managed to eat healthy all day. Then there are days I feel frustrated because I don't know how to eat healthy, I'm tired of chewing carrots, I want a slice of bread and I don't want to give up wheat, and the thought of walking a mile sounds like the worst idea of the month. I seem to have 98% bad days and 2% good days. I wonder why I keep trying? It would be easier to give up and just eat what I'd like to eat. Sometimes I wonder, if I did that, would the weight magically melt away? Would it be like those stories of single women who stop searching for a guy and only then does the perfect guy appear?

I've tried it before, though, and I only ended up putting on more weight. I blame my metabolism and I do have a medical reason to do so. At the same time, I know the numbers and they're adding up. I don't keep my daily limit to 1500 calories. I don't exercise to boost my metabolism. I go to bed late and sleep in or I'm lacking in sleep. There are many ways I still need to improve so yes, the numbers on the scale are accurate.

I want to be comfortable in my skin and in the clothes I wear. I don't want to buy size 16 skirts or XL tops. I don't want to worry that people will think I'm pregnant because I carry most of my weight in my belly. I'm embarrassed that I won't look beautiful for my best friend's wedding in just 5 weeks. I struggle because the emotions I feel drive me to food which caused these problems in the first place.

I don't want to wake up with diabetes, worry about having a heart attack, or maintain my high blood pressure. I want to live a healthy full life where I can hike a hill without running out of breath. This will require even more self-control than I have now.

As I reflect on where I've been, binging and hoarding food regularly, eating 8 slices of bread for supper because I could, stuffing my stomach so full it ached when I stopped, I see I've come far. I still have a path to traverse but I'm thankful I'm not just beginning the journey.

I may never look like a super model, but I want to be comfortable with who I am. I want to be able to accept myself instead of live in judgement. And that, perhaps, is the hardest lesson of all to learn.

Green Smoothies and Pyramids

My pet peeve: people who tout various pyramid-scheme, multi-level marketing programs as the cure-all for various health issues. In reality, it's the caffeine and the green tea in that "fizzy stick" that is keeping your appetite and weight down. It's not rocket science. Healthy whole plant foods provide the best nutrition for our bodies. Unfortunately, it seems to be rocket science when it comes to actually implementing the steps.

I think this is why so many people get excited about quick-fix products. Yes, you have to pay something for the product, but you're guaranteed results, you get a support group, and you feel accountable to stick to the program.

What if you put the money you're spending into organic fruits and veggies? What if you invested the time you used to build a team of sellers into exercising, creating tasty dishes, and learning more about nutrition?

I'm going to be the first to confess that I'm struggling with living a healthy life. I need to lose at least 30 pounds, I need a regular exercise plan, and I am not always good at choosing grapes over tortilla chips. I've done the on-again-off-again diet deal for years now and each time it gets slightly more frustrating and slightly less rewarding. So I'm here to say I want to change but I want it to be a lifestyle change. I want to be able to sustain it for a lifetime and feel good about it.

I was wondering what my next project would be after I finished my graduate studies. I think I've found it. It's to become a healthier version of me in the healthiest way possible. And then maybe I'll write a book about it. Or at least a blog :)

Mediterranean Meal

I'm going to try documenting my meals by taking pictures of them. We'll see how long this lasts!

Sunday Brunch ~569 calories
1 large white pita bread (special treat from Lebanon)
2 tsp tahini (approximately)
1/3 English cucumber
24 green olives
1 cara cara orange

4 grams of fiber so I need to bump up the fiber in my next meal.

Scorecard

On a mixed up schedule since the weekend and now I'm not sure how to get back on. I know I need to get out exercising again, especially with this amazing weather. I know I need to eat a proper breakfast so I'm not eating supper at 10:30 pm. I know I need to stop eating potato chips, even if they are vegan and amazingly flavoured sour cream and onion.

I know all the right things to do but I'm tired of doing them. . .

'cept I can't be tired, because I need to do this. I need to succeed. I need to reach my goal in weight loss just as I reach  my goal in academics. So I'm off to bed to get some sleep and then tomorrow I'll be out exercising.

In groups of 5

So I lost my first 5 pounds today!!! Of course I'm rather apprehensive about the scales tomorrow; they seem to be rather vindictive. One day they'll go down 1/2 a pound and the next they'll go up 2 pounds. I really don't know the rhyme or reason, though I have a sneaking suspicion that if I logged what I ate and when I ate it for the next couple of weeks, I'd have a better idea. Can't be bothered, though.

When I happily announced to a group of people that I was going to lose weight this semester (why oh why did I do that?), I wasn't thinking about the miserable aspect of that. Realistically, there are 2 ways to lose weight. Increase exercise. Reduce calorie intake. I've done both in order to have maximum impact and because I know that for my body I can't just increase exercise because I end up eating whatever I like and putting on weight instead of losing it.

This time around I'm limiting myself to 2 meals a day with fruit in the evening if I need it. It's hard. Actually, it's VERY HARD. And yes, I meant to put that in all caps. My stomach rattles rather emptily at about 8 pm and I usually don't get to sleep til 11 so I end up being distracted by it and can't think very clearly. I crave carbs because I love eating bread and my current diet doesn't allow for a lot of that.

Here's what I'm doing:

• Exercise 3 miles a day (walk up hills/jog down hills) 6 days a week
• Eat oatmeal with blueberries and walnuts for breakfast 5 days a week
• Eat beans for lunch 5 days a week if possible
• Skip supper or eat an orange/grapefruit if needed

Nothing too fancy but the key is consistency. The benefits after 2.5 weeks:

• Lost 5 pounds
• Pants fit better
• Increased self-esteem
• Sleep well at night
• Reduced sugar cravings

I didn't even realize it, but because of my diet, I've significantly reduced the amount of sugar I eat. Now, if I want something sweet, I have a rice cracker with Smuckers Fruit Spread and Tofutti Sour Cream. A couple of those and I'm happy!

I'm so pleased that this has been successful and I'm writing about it because I need the accountability. I need to lose a minimum of 29 pounds by August 1 and 5 of those are gone already! I plan to march at my graduation with a huge smile, not just because I completed the studies, but because I reached a very important personal goal of losing weight. I am also going to a large convention in July and would love to feel comfortable in my skin when I meet up with old friends there. Plus I need to learn how to eat healthy now so when I'm there for 2 weeks I don't put all the weight right back on. This is the daily battle, possibly a battle for life, but that is why I'm fighting it. I want my life and I'm willing to fight my natural desires for the sugars, the carbs, and the processed foods high in fat, so I can be victorious with Christ's help.

Tumbling Backwards

Last week was great. Lost 3.5 pounds. Jogged an hour each morning. Ate oatmeal for breakfast and lentil soup for lunch. I finally wasn't hungry at suppertime and was content with fruit or a single slice of bread.

This week was horrible. Found 1.5 of those pounds. I was supposed to lose another 2 so now I'm off track. Ate chocolate granola bars for breakfast, frosting for supper. Slept in every morning. Trying to keep up with a sudden mountain of expectations at work and school while finding some time for me.

Not exactly sure where I'm at right now. If I don't keep up the exercise and healthy eating, I think a thousand thoughts a day about how I need to lose weight. If I keep it up, I get discouraged when I see the weight fluctuate as it is wont to do, seeing as how I'm a female and if I happen to cry the night before I'll lose 2 extra pounds!

It is one day at a time but it has to be a long term plan too. I would be so happy if I could take my graduation photos in six months as a woman who is a healthy weight. That number is 27 pounds away. It means a pound gone every week. Every single week.

An Emotional Hole

I stress-eat. I'm pretty sure I'm not alone but what I need to know is how to stop doing that. Tonight it was a frustrating text message exchange that set off the binge of Danish cookies and hazelnut vanilla spread. I think I managed about 1500 calories, or 10 times as much exercise as I did today (which was not easy, I might add). They say that exercise is not as beneficial to weight loss as learning how to eat right and it makes sense when I look at the numbers.

In the end, it's only me who suffers. When I find myself in a difficult situation and I console myself with high-fat high-sugar high-carb comfort foods, I feel good for a moment but once the food disappears and I come out of the fat/sugar/carb "coma" I realize that 1500 calories has gone into my mouth but the emotional hole is as empty as before.

I had decided to exercise diligently this week. I am changing my resolution. Instead I shall work on understanding what is going on inside my head and heart. I shall also use some of that time to indulge in healthy foods. In other words, make hummus and eat it with cucumbers and olives instead of grabbing chips and salsa. Peel an orange instead of a granola bar.

My affirmation for this week: "If it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you." ~Fred Devito.

Which key is it?

I had hoped it wouldn't come back to this. Successfully managing to keep off about 5-8 pounds, but the rest of the 22+ have returned. I get frustrated because I wonder if I will ever manage to drop to that magical weight and be able to keep it there. Read about all-or-nothing thinking today in The Lost Art of Thinking and realized that there is where one of my challenges lie. I had just decided not to eat vegenaise again. I've done that before, then I've binged on it, and then I'm right back to where I started. It's hard for me to set realistic goals; in life as well as in weight loss I tend to aim for an "A" grade and anything less than that means that I'm less than also.

This is going to be hard, but this week I am going to restrict myself to 30 minutes of exercise every day. I'm doing it for a purpose; I want to be able to sustain it and I want to enjoy it/look forward to it. I will also do my best to eat oatmeal for breakfast and an orange every night for supper.

I'm turning 35 this year, in just over 6 months. I would like to reach a weight that makes me smile, both when I reach that milestone birthday and when I reach for my graduate diploma. I feel sad because I think it's not possible, I can't keep up a regime of oatmeal breakfasts, no suppers, no sugar, and no oil for long. Tonight though, I want to commit to myself that I will consider this goal as important as my goal of graduating with a 4.0 GPA (4 classes away from that!). I would like to dedicate time, persistence, and encouragement to my goal of a healthier me.

I recognize that the biggest struggle is not inside the doors of my refrigerator or the size of my plate. It is within me. When I can learn to be kind to myself and to translate that kindness into health instead of numbing foods, then I shall have unlocked the key to success.